Mentorship and Conquering Limiting Beliefs (w/ Omu Obilor)

In this week's episode of the MMP, Niki is interviewing an International Coach, Speaker and Trainer named  Omu Obilor. They will discuss the concepts of mentoring others, the qualities a mentor looks for in a mentee, as well as her own personal journey as a mentee. They will also talk about the idea of "limiting beliefs"--what they are and how to identify and conquer them.
 
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Question of the week:
What are some of YOUR limiting beliefs?

Connect with Omu Here!
Omu  Linkedin
Omu's Instagram
Omu's YouTube

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Transcript

Niki:  All right, and welcome to this week's episode of the Meam Mees Podcast, where we will discuss limiting beliefs and the stumbling blocks that life throws at you. How to push through these, how to accomplish your goals, and to live your best life with our guest muse. Omu Obilor. Omu is an international coach, speaker, and trainer.

She started out as a founding member of the John Maxwell team that trains and certifies speakers, trainers, and coaches, and is now known as the Maxwell Leadership Team. She then went on to earn several other certifications to aid her in serving her clients better. Omu is currently an executive director and national trainer at Business Network International, or B.

Outside of this, she also mentors young African girls and works with children living with cancer. Now, with that amazing introduction, finished, let's begin and get into talking with our guest today. Hello. 

Omu: Hi Nikki. How are you? 

Niki: I am wonderful and super excited to hear more about you. Like I know I just gave you that introduction, but can you please tell our audience more about you?

Omu: I was wondering who you were introduced to. I was wondering if there were three of us here. 

Niki: No, just me and you, girl. Like that. This background is just fabulous. So can you please share with us in your own words, the stuff that you do, talk to our audience and our listeners. Introduce yourself. 

Omu: Okay. So like Niki says, my name is Omu Obilor.

I'm an international speaker, Tr,ainer and a coach. Um, and my journey started with the John Maxwell team. So obviously I have a lot too, I have, I owe John Maxwell a lot. Um, that was when my personal development journey started. Cause it actually started as a personal development journey. Not, I didn't set out to become a speaker, trainer, or coach.

I set out to develop myself really. So that's how I. And then obviously, um, I went on to do several other certifications, which, um, knowing what I know now, um, I went to, I did those certifications actually out of, um, fear and, and the feeling of, um, inadequacy. Um, they, they've come in handy. I have no regrets that I did.

The only thing is at the time I was doing them, I was doing them because I thought I needed them at that point. And that was the reason why I was doing it, knowing what I know now. The reason why I was doing it then was because I felt inadequate and I always felt a need to add one more certification, um, and felt that that would put me in a better place, so I know better now.

and that inadequacy. 

Niki: Do you feel like that has been a continuous drive as you move forward, to keep doing more and more? Or is that, has that shifted in this.

Omu: Oh, I want to do more because I want to, not because I feel inadequate. Absolutely. So now I find out that I actually love learning. I love, I mean, At the end of last month, I actually said I wasn't going to do any more courses,

And I just, I'm enrolling for one and I wanted to jump on it in January and I was like, no, no, no, just cause they have like three or four, um, start date. And I said, okay, no, let me wait to the middle of the year in the past. I'll jump on it immediately and sit too. If I didn't get it, every other thing wasn't going to work.

I needed it for the others, you know, all those things. But I've dealt with that part of me, and I'm a lot more objective. I ask myself questions and I know why I'm taking a particular course. So during a particular training, I have clear reasons, and clear objectives. I have, I'm very clear on what I want to get outta it.

I'm very clear of what I wanted, how I wanted to affect me as a person, how I wanted to affect my business, and how I want to use it to, um, help people in the area that I help people in. Mm-hmm. 

Niki: And then so how did you end up going from the mentality of, oh, I'm in, I need to do more? Two, I'm doing this because you know what?

I actually love learning. I love being able to help people. I enjoy the skills that I'm accom that, that I'm gaining. How did you, what steps did you take to switch that mindset? 

Omu: So, you know, when you talk about the different levels of mastery, at some point in our lives, we, we operate under unconscious incompetence.

And that was where I operated for a very long time. Um, thankfully even in that state, I would say that I was intentional about learning and I was like a sponge. So it worked both ways for me. The knowledge, um, isn't, was. Just that I can identify that I went into it, um, for the wrong reasons. Thankfully, they're useful.

Niki: Are there some that really are not useful? 

Omu: I wouldn't say they're not useful, but they don't apply to the line that I have told. , but they're also very useful. I like to, I like to be able to contribute, um, sensibly and positively from a point of knowledge in other conversations, not necessarily in my niche.

Um, so I operated in that level for the longest time. And you know how, you know, something just is in. , um, and you're not able to pinpoint it. So there's sometimes, I mean, I went from one coach to another. I attended a lot of conferences and it's so bad that when a coach comes to me now I can almost complete the sentence.

You know? I think that it's not even so much. Um, what you are hearing, there's a, there's timing also involved. There's timing. Sometimes you hear the right things at the wrong time and it just doesn't resonate. So it's like, it's like planting a seed. It's like planting the corn seed by the, uh, beach with beach sand.

It's not going to…there's nothing wrong with the seed and there's nothing wrong with the sand. It's just the wrong place where you have put the seat. Um, so I think that I finally just found balance and everything started to make sense. And it's funny that when I go back and I look at my notes, especially when I'm preparing to coach someone or preparing a training, and I look back at my notes and I see some of them and I see that these are things.

Was said to me maybe like 10 years ago. I'm like, what were you thinking?

Niki: So, at least that shows growth. Like I, I love those moments. Like even now when I'm, you know, when it's coming to the end of the year, you're cleaning and decluttering, you're finding old things, and you start to find like old journals and stuff. You start saying, oh goodness. Oh, was that, did I really write that?

Or was that somebody else? But at least that shows that you're not the same person and you've actually developed and grown rather than staying stagnant. So that's wonderful that you were able to kind of reflect even within not just your personal life, but your professional life, that you've grown and developed your skills and your mentality, which is a great transition into our next question of coming to the Melody Music podcast today, we were gonna touch on like limiting beliefs and pushing past like these stumbling blocks, like what prompted you to want to discuss these specific concepts on our episode today. 

Omu: Okay. So, um, like I said, I suffered a lot of limiting beliefs. I've also learned that, as far as I'm concerned, it's helped position me and I've used it to my advantage and it didn't, I don't think that it happened to me.

I think it happened for me. Um, so I, I.  and I, I say to people that you don't fail, you learn. So I'm learning and it's helped me get to where I am today. Um, having worked with different people and at some point I had, I worked with a lot of coaches cause I was, um, a sales consultant for a top coach and I, so I worked with a lot of coaches who were buying into um, programs.

I found out that I wasn't the only one who was going through that. 9 out of 10 people I spoke with didn't realize they were going through that cause they were going to buy yet another program. When they have like 10 programs, they haven't used any. And when you say to them, okay, so you have this program, how much have you made from it?

Oh no, I'm waiting to buy this. And then when I finish this, I could actually see myself that was where I was and then I would have to go back. I was supposed to be selling. And now, I mean, that's me making money, but I, I, I couldn't watch someone make the same mistake, um, that I made. So that's one of the reasons why I'm passionate about talking about it.

Another reason is, um, so like I said, when I look back, I know that I have learned and I see opportunities I have missed, but I also. Things that I have learned and what I have gained from it. If I didn't miss those opportunities, I probably wouldn't be well-equipped to speak authoritatively the way that I do now.

So I see young entrepreneurs in different areas of life, and you know it. I, it's easy to see someone's strengths and capabilities. Um, a lot of times it takes a lot for you to see yours, especially where, where I come from, um, you know, you are growing up and you are hearing those things. Like, um, personally, my family, where they would say, um, You shouldn't come out in the papers, don't, um, keep posting your pictures or coming out in magazines.

You're selling yourself, your work would self for you. Um, don't talk about yourself. It means you're being proud, you're being pompous, and you're looking down on people. So I had all those beliefs that if I came out to say I'm an international speaker, it was, um, like boring. . So I went through all that and I'm, I'm quick to see or notice it in other people cause that's a route that I have been through and I, I don't know that I want someone else to make the same mistake.

One of my mentors, um, Joseph McLendon III always says, he says he teaches us to go further, faster.  and that's, I use that a lot when I'm talking to my clients as well. And why is it easy for me to make you go further faster? Because I've been down that route. So I'm, I'm helping you avoid those same mistakes.

Niki: Yeah. Well, thank you. Well, number one, thank you for giving an example and in how you overcame that. And not only that you provided an example in how you overcame it but also allowed our listeners to find out why you're doing this, of wanting to give back to people. And I think that's the biggest and most important thing about being successful and happy cause I would love to know your perspective on this, but I feel like you can be successful.

You can make all the money in the world, but it doesn't guarantee your happiness. 

Omu: Oh yes. Oh yes. And it's funny, it's funny he said that because in the last, in the last three days, I actually have a kid I just finished speaking with now and she's just 10. And I spoke with my son a few days ago, his job hunting in the UK and um, he was getting.

He wasn't getting the jobs he wanted and he was trying to change, I said, listen, follow your passion. He's like, no, I just want to make money. And then I said, money is not going to make you happy. He says, let me find out if he doesn't make you happy. Makes me happy. And then I had this 10-year-old just a few years ago who said the same thing to me that, oh, she wants the money.

And I'm like, what is it with this generation and money? And you know, I've thought of different ways of communicating to them that, you know, at the end of the day, money really is not a guarantee for happiness. 

Niki: A hundred percent. I think it's like some of that new mentality about money consists of

probably like the influencer generation of being able to travel and go through all these places and take those like snazzy photos and do expensive things. But I feel, yes, money is nice cause it can buy experiences, it can buy like opportunities. Like, hey, now I can go to Italy and explore this. But I feel like as long as you have a positive and genuine surrounding of people around you, it will make life more fulfilling because at the end of the day,  money is just paper, 

Omu: Absolutely. 

Niki: And it's who you connect with that's what makes your life most meaningful. Like what are people gonna say about you when you're gone? You can't take money with you when you die.

Omu: I ended up saying that about money too. 

Niki: And so that's, for those of you who are listening, like for those who are listening and who aren't sure of limiting beliefs like we've been talking about, like, Hey, what is, what about this?

What about that? What would be your specific definition to those who aren't quite sure what a limiting belief is? 

Omu: Okay, so the simplest way of putting it is that a limiting belief is those beliefs that we have, we have in our head that has, so first of all, lemme rewind. Once we get into this world, everything we see, and everything we hear is in our brains.

It never goes out. So you might be able to remember that your mom had a red skirt when you were three years old. So if you saw a red sketch that looked like it, You'll know that you'll feel like I've seen this red kit before, even if it was 20, 30 years ago. So everything is somewhere registered in Abri.

Now, once it goes in there, it doesn't come out. You might not notice it except a trigger comes and you know, it brings it to, that's why you hear some voices and you say, oh, this voice sounds familiar without seeing the face, because it might be a voice that you've heard before. So some of these beliefs, like I had used myself as an example, are things that you've constantly heard and they've registered in your brain.

Some of it is from the actions or inactions of people around you. Everyone around you just puts things in your head. Now, some of it clicks and sometimes you really don't even know that it's operating. You know, you are operating in that level. Um, so I'll use another example. So those beliefs actually hold you back and sometimes you don't know you have those beliefs until you start to, um, probe.

or you get a coach who starts to ask you questions and it yeah. Brings it to your awareness. I would say you got a self-awareness journey growing up. My granddad always used to say that we must work hard for our money. Um, in my adult life when I thought about it, I realized that he probably meant nothing comes easy.

Um, cause he would say he must work hard. Don't cut corners, and don't cheat people. I believe what he was trying to do was I invite those discipline, um, those um, disciplines, those ethics in us of being honest and all that. The way my brain registered was that I had to walk physically hard. So for a long time, if I did have work to do, or maybe I had like just an hour's work in a day, I felt that I wasn't going to end or I didn't deserve to, or I was going to be poor.

I physically worked hard, you know, Uhhuh, you know, and I found out that I felt I needed to always be busy. You know, until I started asking myself questions and I said to myself, no, half the time you're actually busy or busy doing nothing, you're not productive, you know, so you need to work smart. So those are, that's a clear example of beliefs in our head.

So we, we speak states, as we, we take it by inference. Some people would think that, oh, I'm not convincing enough, so there's no need going to, um, pitch for the job. Sometimes we're going to pitch for the job and we already feel they're not going to, um, listen to us or we're not going to get it. And we forget that whatever we think.

actually, it comes out in our aura and the way that we present ourselves and people are able to, um, catch, catch on it when we, we do that, and then it manifests. 

Niki: Oh, a hundred percent. And just by you explaining all that reminds me, I think it was Jim Roone who said it is like the top five people you spend the most time with.

Is this some of who you are? 

Omu: Absolutely. Absolutely.

Niki: And by those spending the most time with those people, like what you mentioned earlier, we tend to adopt those traits and mix it into ourselves. And we don't notice half the time until we put ourselves in a different environment. And I definitely can relate to that of not realizing a lot of like the generational trauma and the toxic trait that I had until I separated myself and lived halfway across the world.

I'm like, oh. That, that's, that's not a good thing. Let's fix that . Um, and so that's something for, um, for our listeners to remember. It's like, take an inventory of who you spend the most time with and do you want to be like them? Is that the ideal person you want to be? Like? If not, then it's okay to love people from afar.

no, no shame in that. And since we've discussed like how to positively.  overcome, like limiting beliefs and examples of limiting beliefs. There are so many tools out there trying to explain to us here, do step one, step two, step three, step four, and that's the way you can overcome it. But that doesn't work for everyone.

There's no one, one size fits all. So I'm c I'm curious for you, what are some popular steps that you learned about and you tried but didn't work for?

Omu: Let me see. I'm trying to think of one that didn't work for me. I think I've, I've made all of them work for me. There are some that didn't work for me for a very long time. Um, all of them work for me now. The truth is, when because I coach and I, I coach and I train people on it. I try very hard to use it on myself so that when I am talking about it, it, I'm just not speaking what has been written online or in a textbook.

Uh, learning, leading by example. Absolutely. So for the longest time, I, you know, that thing they say you should face the mural and talk to yourself in the mirror. Yeah, I would never, I, I would never suggest it to anyone because I had tried it severally, and I'm looking at myself in the mirror, and then you say to yourself, oh, I'm beautiful and I'm going out today, and I'm saying it, and I'm like, why are you deceiving yourself?

Look at your head, your, you know, 

Niki: I shouldn't laugh, but yo, I, I felt the same way. I'm like, yes, you're beautiful, you're gorgeous, you're amazing. 

Omu: So for the longest time, um, I said I'm very critical of myself. So for the longest time, I'll use other techniques and avoid that mirror one. And um, I think it was last year, two years.

I heard it again, I can't remember which of my coaches talked about it, and I was like, listen, so many people can be speaking about something and all of them are wrong, and you are right. Maybe just, maybe you have already made up your mind, which is what happens to a lot of us. You've already made up your mind and planned what the outcome is before you even start.

So now, Free your mind, and empty yourself, which is what I've learned to do. Because a lot of times we go into doing those things with baggage, empty ourselves and just do it. Do it exactly the way they have said, don't try to analyze, and don't try to be smart. And that was how I started. And to be quite honest, it works.

Niki: Yes. And do you also think it's a sense of? Doing something that's unfamiliar because the average person won't just look in the mirror and say, hey, how you doing sexy? You know, so when, especially if you have a lower perception of yourself, absolutely. It's not comfortable. Like I remember when I first started the whole mirror journey.

like over the past several years, I would get anxious, or I would even cry at some point of like, you're trying to say that I gotta say I'm beautiful. What is this? You know? Or I gotta say, I'm smart. Like I'm not used to hearing these things, especially from myself. So it makes it so uncomfortable. But once you do, it's like exposure therapy.

Once you keep doing it and you keep saying it, eventually it just, Uh, a part of your everyday life and you're like, you know, I'm kinda cute. Look at that. I may have a big head, but I'm gonna show that head off. 

So, um, um, Joseph says, um, as you, as you speak, so you feel, as you feel, so you do, as you do. So you have.

Niki: Ooh, I love that. Oh my gosh. Can we say that one more time as you speak? 

Omu: So you feel as you feel, so you do as you do. So you have. 

Niki: That's, that's amazing. And that is the perfect segue into our break. We shall return in just a moment, guys.


BREAK

Niki: And we're back for the second half of our podcast. So the first half was just such, such a gem-dropping moment, and we ended that on such a good quote. And I'm obsessed. But now let's, let's transition into another portion of the show where earlier in our introduction we talked about. Mentoring young African girls, and I feel like mentoring is such an under or misunderstood type of concept.

Could you tell us a little bit more about that, like your mentoring, like mentoring program and journey and how you got into that? 

Omu: Okay. So, um, the global give back circle is, um, so I do, would I say three, three nonprofit.  and one is a paid one that I run in my business, and that's actually for entrepreneurs.

The global give-back circle actually started in the eastern part of Africa and has spread to the whole of Africa. And um, um, MasterCard, the MasterCard Foundation has actually taken it up as well. Um, what's, what it is about is the young girls, especially in the rural areas, um, A lot of them need guidance in terms of courses to study, um, soft skills like PowerPoints and all that.

Um, direction to go for those who are about to graduate in terms of work. Um, some of them have. Parents who are not particularly educated. So they also need that support to guide them even emotionally. So that's what we do, um, in the global give back circle, because it's all over. Um, Africa, there's no, actually, I haven't even mentored anyone on that platform that is from Nigeria.

Um,  because, um, the girls are given to different mentors. Um, most of my mentees have come from Kenya, um, South Africa, um, and Ghana. That's where most of my mentees have come from. So, but they're all over the place. And, and it's, it gives me a lot of joy and it also exposes me cause it's so easy to get caught up, especially with me.

I work from home, so I'm caught up with this, my little room and it's almost like I don't know what's going on in the rest of the world and that just, you know, gives you, I don't have a daughter. So, uh, it also just gives me a, a different view of what girls go. , you know, and all that peer group pressure and things like that. It's, it's actually fun.

Niki: And what is it like being, like, I know you said it brings you joy and like, it's kind of like some happiness as well working with the young girls, but how has that journey been? Like being in a space of a mentor is like, okay, I'm going to be helping these girls. Uh, what can I do to get them up higher. How can I connect them to this out? Or third, how has the girl’s journey been since you've been mentoring them? 

Omu: Oh yes. So the good thing is on the MasterCard Foundation called Baba, also run a few pieces of training. Um, so I'll suggest training to them. I would also monitor them to know if they did the training, how that they're using the training, um, to help themselves.

And, you know, sometimes with mentoring, sometimes it's not as if you are doing anything, particularly like A, B, C. Sometimes those girls just want to know that there's someone listening to them and that's when they want to talk. There's someone, cause I mean, I operate and open the policy. So I let them send me messages at any time.

I'll let them know that I'll reply immediately. I get it if I don't reply, just know that I'm busy. But a lot of times I make sure that I'm able to at least give them a quick response, and that just makes them feel heard. Hmm. 

Niki: Yeah. It's very important, especially at younger ages, to have someone in their life that allows their voices to be because nowadays, like there are men still that old, um, saying of children should be seen, not heard, the voices aren't valued as much. Kids are shut down. They're like, oh, well they're kids. They don't know anything. So it's wonderful to hear that you are allowing these young girls a space to express themselves, to allow themselves to be creative.

Remind them that they are valued and they are worthy of doing anything they, they want to. And I'm curious as to, as a mentor, what do you look for in a mentee? Like how do you choose your, uh, the girls who you decide to mentor, the people you decide to mentor? 

Omu: Okay, so on the global give back, circle, uh, circle, I don't have much of a choice.

I'm allowed. I'm allowed to say that I wouldn't work with someone, but I, I mean, I don't know what reason I'll give. There has to be a fantastic reason. The only reasons that I know that I can give on that platform are maybe internet connectivity or something like that. Um, I don't know that I'll reject that because of the way it's structured for the girl to be on that platform, it means she's ready to be a mentor.

if you are asking me ordinarily, like with my own mentorship, even with my mentorship program, which is not for young girls, therefore, um, like age 35, or I also do not take, take on people simply because they can afford to pay. I wanted to show that you're committed to the journey. Just like we were saying that money is not everything.

There are some people, who really don't mind paying for several. It's like going to, it's like gym instructors. You find people who pay six gym instructors and don't use any, you know, so for some people, it's not about the money they'll pay for me. I, I'll, I could actually take you on if you don't pay and you're committed. So I'm going to see the results

Niki: And what, how important do you think a mentor is to someone's growth and development? And does that shift as a person is older or younger? 

Omu: Look, you know, it's funny and that was why I went like that for the longest time. , and this is me. I think I'm just a difficult person. For the longest time, I used to say, please, I have no mentors. I'm my own mentor. . Why? You know, obviously, I started my personal development journey and I don't know of anyone that has more mentors than I do. I have a mentor for practically every aspect of my life. It's important to have someone you can trust.

There are different kinds of mentors, but it's, it's important that you have someone you can trust and someone that you know that has your back, um, and at different points in time in your life. Like I said, I have several mentors for different things, so if I wanted someone to mentor me, um, in the area of marriage and home.

Um, I wouldn't be looking for a single guy. Um, I'll be looking for someone that has qualities I would want to emulate. 

Niki: So basically, uh, specifying, oh, if I want to grow in my relationship, interpersonal communications, or in my professional or my personal life, you would have someone different who specializes in that. Oh, that's wonderful. So hopefully hearing that our listeners can take from this is be cautious about who you asked to be your mentor, but also be prepared to do the work and not waste people's time.

Omu: Yeah, absolutely. It's a two ways street. 

Niki: Yes. And as we bring this to a close, I feel like that would be a perfect segue. Are there any final thoughts or advice you would have for our listeners out there who want to get a mentor or are trying to push past their limiting beliefs? Do you have any final advice or words for them?

Omu: Okay. I usually always, in everything that I do, always point out. , you should know what your values are. And that's something that a lot of us never sit down to actually put in writing. So if you ask people what are your core values? A lot of people start thinking and if they're not thinking, they'll drill out things like, um, honesty.

Um, Things like that, and which they're not bad values, but I said to my, I said to them, write these values down and ask yourself questions around it. So if you say for instance, punctuality is, uh, of value to you, then you shouldn't be attending meetings late. If you attend meetings late and you think punctuality is your value, what its is that it's an aspirational value, it's not a core value, and if it's an aspirational value, then you start to make efforts, or you now are able to know what steps to take to make it a core value.

When you know what your values are, then you can begin to look for mentors.  who share the same values as you. You can't work with people that do not share the same, that you don't share the same values. Otherwise. It just, you just do not agree. So need to know who youre, what you're looking for, and where you're coming from before you start there.

Niki: Oh my gosh, thats  amazing. Um, and I'm definitely gonna be taking those words to heart too, on my journey. And so.  All right. With that last piece of advice that is just such a gem-dropping moment that I'm like, I feel called out. I feel like that resonated with me a lot, so 

Omu: I happy you did. 

Niki: I appreciate it. This is, it's interesting going into the new year, um, as we're in 2023. So many like New Year's resolutions are coming about and people want to take those steps forwards into a better life, having a mentor seems to be a very viable option or very good option, especially in the beginning of a new page, a new chapter of your life, especially at the beginning of the new year.

So I really appreciate you coming out to the podcast and sharing your story and your history and your amazing, amazing gem dropping ideas and advice with, uh, with our listeners and giving you your final thoughts. So I'm sure there are gonna be many people who would love to connect with you and follow you for more amazingness.

How can they find you? 

Omu: Um, so I'm on Facebook as a more below I, my company page is thrive with. Um, so you'll find a Thrive with Omu page and a Thrive with Omu, um, group. The group is a private group cause I like to keep it private so that people feel safe. Um, so I need to show that you fit in before I'd let you into the group.

Um, on Instagram, I thrive with as well on YouTube, thriving from home, and on LinkedIn. It's. Otherwise, you can go to my website, which is www.thrive.com, and everything is on. Everything's consistent. 

Niki: I love that. And, don't worry you guys, uh, down in the show notes. And if you're watching this on YouTube, I'll have all of almost contact information in the description and in the show notes so that way you guys can check her out and more of the awesome things she has to offer.

So on that note, again, thank you so much for joining us on today's episode Omu. And thank you guys for listening as well to everything she has to say. Thank you for joining us for today's episode of the Melanie MUEs podcast. To hear more, please subscribe and follow our podcast wherever you listen to us.

And be sure to check us out on our Instagram at the Mal Mees podcast at Melanie Muses podcast, as well as our official YouTube channel. For more content, we shall see you next week. This is Nikki b signing off and

Omu: Bye!

Niki: Bye!